Maybe i don’t want to go to college or be a Christian. Maybe i don’t want
to be so damn good. Maybe i don’t want anything
I do what im supposed to, what’s expected, what i have to do. Because. Just
because. And its bullshit
I used to try so hard and be so good. But it got me nowhere but in a pile
of unhappy confused guilt. So i quit trying. I quit caring.
I just need a place where i can be. Where i don’t have to be stressed or anygr
or on edge. But i don’t. I don’t like being at home.
I have to see them everyday. I don’t know what happened. Or how. I just don’t.
In that moment I wished to be anyone or anything else.
This accident has taken even more of the morale of happiness/well being that
i have. I have to heat about it every day.
I just want to be. To be good enough. To be better than. To be left alone.
I feel guilty 90% of the time. For the most normal, common place things
And im not allowed to do things. There is a strict box of restrictions on
top of me and most of them are ridiculous.
And no matter what; im not good enough
I want to start things, but there are so many unreliabilities, so many obstacles
that I know they won’t happen. Nothing happens so I give up
Facing people. I don’t want to.. I just don’t want to
I don’t know if I want to do traveling. I don’t know if I even want to play
next year. I love playing but how much?
You’re such a selfish bitch sometimes.
I can’t walk. I can’t play. I can’t tucking stop crying.